Thursday, August 18, 2011

Stop Getting STUPID TATTOOS!!! By: Nova Giovanni

Hello, loyal reader. There are things we already know we shouldn’t be doing, but it takes someone else to tell us for us to stop. Hence, I am here to tell you… STOP GETTING STUPID TATTOOS!!! I know what you’re thinking. You’re ready to say, “But, Nova Giovanni – YOU have tattoos.” Well, thank you for pointing out the obvious. However, this isn’t about having tattoos. This is about STUPID tattoos.
First, let us define what a stupid tattoo is. Well, it is quite simple. A stupid tattoo is a tattoo that is stupid. A stupid tattoo can fall into many different categories. I will be elaborating on a few and explaining why they are stupid. Keep in mind- this is in no particular order and they are all equally stupid in this one nation, indivisible, under God.
Generic tattoos are STUPID! A tattoo is something that will forever be on your body, it isn’t like your yaki weave you can take off when you’re tired of it. Why would you get a tattoo design more common than the cold? Generic tattoos include paw prints, cherries/strawberries/or any other fruit dripping, a clothing line emblem like Applebottoms or Baby Phat (which can now be found in Wal Mart), among others. If you have one of these tattoos, you may not be stupid – but, your tattoo is DEFINITELY stupid!
Big women with small tattoos, you look STUPID! Tattoos are like clothing, they should be proportionate with your body. It makes NO sense to have an extra large body with extra medium tattoos covering it. Your body is a collage of small tattoos with no theme. Woe to you.
Gentlemen, stop getting M.O.B. (Money Over B*tches) tattoos on the back of your hands and asking for rides or money. If that is what you’re doing, know that your art isn’t imitating your life. It is contradicting it. If you have an M.O.B. tattoo, swallow your pride and don’t ask me for ANYTHING! You put Money Over B*tches and have NEITHER! False advertisement, indeed.
On another note, if you have a tattoo based upon a trendy song – it is STUPID. How do you have “5 Star Chick” tattooed across your chest, but work for housekeeping at a 2 star hotel? All grown men with a Jay Z or Lil Wayne lyric tattooed on them should be shot out of a cannonball into the middle of the Pacific Ocean and serve their life purpose as shark food.
If you tattoo the name of a boyfriend/girlfriend on you – YOU are STUPID and don’t deserve love or happiness in any future relationship until it is removed. What hard drug were you under the influence of at the time of getting it? Stupid people don’t marry people they commit to, they tattoo their names on them. After the relationship is over, the ink remains. The tattoo you was once proud of is now one of your many scars of love from failed past relationships. Even worse, this one is on display to others. No self-respecting person is going to commit to you with the brand of another person on you. Get it removed or you shall never be promoted past the ‘friends with benefits’ zone.
Nova isn’t here to chastise or belittle you. I have tattoos myself (none half as stupid as some of yours, of course). But, enough is enough! If you are considering getting one of these tattoos, I hope this article has served as intervention. Don’t do it!!! Remember, its easier to prevent a bad situation than have to fix it. Nova Knows…
I Love You (but, I won’t tattoo your name on my body to prove it),
Nova Giovanni
Twitter – @NovaGiovanni

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