"In his weekly column, amateur futurist (read: paranoid alarmist with access to Wikipedia) Ryan Broderick will be dissecting the news of the week in an effort to prove that the world is probably going to end very soon and we’re all doomed.
A new wave of research is looking for more diverse birth control options for men. Two methods being worked on right now include a daily pill for making sperm unable to enter an egg (awesome) and a procedure called “reversible inhibition of sperm under guidance” in which a plug is put in the vas deferens and can be removed whenever (really awesome).
Now, if you’re a man and you’re reading about all of this for the first time, you’re probably wistfully looking out a window, thinking about how you’re about to die of exhaustion in a massive bacchanalian orgy of care-free sex with anonymous partners.
But this whole thing is dangerous because, if you haven’t noticed, humans sure love having sex with each other. As far as primates go, we have gargantuan genitals. One prominent theory on why we have such giant doohickeys is so we could scrape our competitors’ sperm out of our mates (romantic), allowing our sperm a chance to live on. Life is a beautiful thing.
Also, fun side note: gorillas have one of the smallest primate penises in the primate world, which gets even weirder when you consider a chimpanzee has a penis twice a gorilla’s size. Also, ducks’ penises can grow up to 17 inches and are shaped like a corkscrew. And did you know pigs orgasm for up to a half hour?
All of that is true. Swear to God.
What I’m trying to get at here is that sexual development and the disgusting and upsetting downsides of procreation – children, marriage, families, Montecarlo featuring two Selena Gomez’s – all of that’s kind of tied to being alive. Sex is like nature’s little prank, giving you something that feels really good, with the alarming downside of ruining your life with a baby. And then once you make that baby, you’re kind of forced to realize that perhaps the world should be a better place for that kid than it was for you, and you go about trying to make it a better place, which kind of keeps the whole human existence bustling along."